Halloweekend for Shakespeare's Iconic Characters

Most of you have likely braved the harsh weather and completed the college version of Halloween this past weekend: walking up and down the streets of Pratt, Ashford, Harvard Ave. in paper-thin costumes, knocking on doors one-by-one, hoping one of them will treat you to a party. (Some of the guys might have also been tricked into paying a cover for the notorious, sweaty basement parties.) While Allston has certainly seen enough cats, bunnies, mice for one of the few, unfortunate families living there to call animal control, Halloweekend festivities continue as we approach October 31st. Shakespearean costumes have largely become obsolete for Boston’s college parties giving way to better representations of our culture like: “The Kid From Vine With The Blue Sweater Behind His Ears” or “Pregnant Kardashian.” However, it is still interesting to imagine what the Shakespearean characters themselves would have been like during Halloweekend.

Puck (A Midsummer Night’s Dream): Going out every day and making the most of Halloweekend. They have been waiting for spoopy season since August and will pester everyone to engage in traditional festivities such as pumpkin carving, visiting a horror house, doing a scary movie marathon and, most importantly, trick-or-treating. You won’t get away from their practical jokes the entire month: they’ll convince their roommate they’re hearing noises, pretend to get lost at night, cut the lights during a horror movie and terrorize everyone with countless jumpscares. They’ll have a fun outfit but also make sure they still look good, for example: they’ll dress up in a full suit or cocktail dress and create an anamorphism by wearing a bunny mask to be a “party animal.”

Nick Bottom (A Midsummer Night’s Dream): Definitely a “frat bro.” Will likely have an occupation costume like lumberjack, police, sailor, or construction worker- something traditionally masculine that will allow him to expose his arms and/or chest. Basically the hetero male equivalent of girls dressing up as sexy-blank but will still allow him to maintain an ostensible atmosphere of authority and dignity; being able to enjoy an activity girls would often be shamed or though less of for- also very traditionally masculine and scary indeed. He will become incredibly flattered by the girls that flirt with him while he’s bouncing, to get in, or while he’s bartending, to get the good drinks. His head’s in his ass but might provide you with the connections for good parties.

Helena (A Midsummer Night’s Dream): The kinda unlucky friend that gets the short end of the stick when planning group costumes. Mickey, Minnie, and… Pluto? Spongebob, Patrick, and… Squidward? Salt, Pepper, and… Cumin? Lady, Tramp, and… Their Bowl of Spaghetti? (Bonus points if you get the reference.) She’ll be uncomfortable with her look the whole night and make frequent trips to the bathroom to adjust her skirt, fix her box, check her hair, etc. She will also be genuinely clueless of the frat bros that flirt with her and think they’re just being nice because they’re interested in her friends.

Cordelia (King Lear): The sweet and innocent friend that does not go out too much but when they do… You will likely see her at a “Saints & Sinners” or “Angels & Devils” themed party- she will take her costume seriously and roll her eyes at the girls in a few white feathers or deep, red V-necks. She will likely easily pick up a hot guy but because she’s naive might either say too much or too little and put herself in dangerous situations. The person you have to keep an eye on or you will end up carrying her back.

Goneril (King Lear): Doesn’t really care for Halloween and just wants to party. She will take the lead in organization, make sure everyone’s ready in time and plan the destination but if you are late or lost that’s it- will certainly not come back and leave you to wonder Allston under rain if you can’t catch up. Also, the type of person that will abandon friends to get into a party that has a quota or girls-only rule. You also have to be careful with your drinks because she will be infuriated if you get drunk and ruin her night by requiring care- will certainly not let you crash at her place.

Mercutio (Romeo & Juliet): The guy that gets super aggressive when he’s drunk, if he’s not the one starting a fight he’s there at each to support his boys. Also tends to wander off so watch out unless you want to find him cheering a fight between a Marvel character in Spandex and Post Malone (or maybe just a regular, ragged college guy that hasn’t showered due to midterms and seasonal depression.) Kind of disappointed in Halloweekend though because what he actually wanted to do was find props to feel like a warrior and battle his friends, maybe simulate some “Fight Club,” but his friends are interested in a different type of conquest. Might end up leaving early or just disappear but while he’s there he’ll be the life of the party doing all the Fortnite moves and dancing with everyone.

Juliet (Romeo & Juliet): Just got her heart broken by an asshole everyone warned her of; says tonight’s just about having fun with friends but lowkey on the lookout for a rebound. Will have a wild drunk persona with a good-girl-gone-bad vibe. You might see her dressed as Sandy from “Grease” hooking up with someone she met minutes ago in the corner of the dance floor making everyone uncomfortable and self-conscious about their own sexual prospects. She will ultimately leave alone and say she’s just going home to sleep but will end up at her ex’s place.

Antonio (The Merchant of Venice): Might have gotten on well with Mercutio but they will not be meeting since Antonio’s at home with his thoughts. He doesn’t like big groups; his best friend was going out with his girlfriend and invited him too which he also rejected because he didn’t want to third wheel but now he’s having fomo. Will sit in with discount candy watching an old movie or making a sad fall playlist; he will end up spamming his best friend asking about the party and when they’re coming back.